i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
