she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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