remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
