dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
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I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
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We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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