There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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