After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
