Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
