I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
it hurts more in the daytime
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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