Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
