Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
