I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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