i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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