I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My vagina is officially offended.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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