she woke up with a sticky ear
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
