I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Randomize
