Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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