remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
