she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
