who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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