i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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