He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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