my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
