The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
