we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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