you guys were way drunker than both of me
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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