i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Randomize
