I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
