What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Randomize
