So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
