yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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