go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
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That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
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I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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