how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
