He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
