I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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