i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
