getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
