either way he was missing a nipple.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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