you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
