God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
