so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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