So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
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Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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