Midget sex pt 2 tonight
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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