Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
