Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
