There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
As shirtless as possible
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
