Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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