i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
