I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
