my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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