Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My ass is underappreciated
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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