feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
