You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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