My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
