So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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