You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
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You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
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i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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