Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
