you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
