i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
