$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
