my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Randomize
