HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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