NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
