EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Vodka?
Forever.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
