No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
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Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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