this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
