i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
