You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
