I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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