first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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