Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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