I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
