i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
