Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
