So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
